100 Things You Cannot Do When You’re Pregnant
If sperm has gotten anywhere near your egg, then you know pregnancy is a drag. Some women claim that they truly enjoy being pregnant, and I believe them (WINK!). The rest of us can agree that pregnancy is just a means to an end.
I’d probably be okay with it if it weren’t for all the RULES. You can’t even look at sushi sideways without being pregnancy-shamed. If you’re not well-acquainted with the many, many pregnancy don’ts, here are 100 things that you absolutely cannot do while pregnant:
1 –> Drink wine.
2 –> Drink beer.
3 –> Drink liquor.
4 –> Drink coffee.
5 –> Drink caffeinated tea.
6 –> Drink herbal tea.
7 –> Drink caffeinated soda.
8 –> Drink diet soda.
9 –> Drink from BPA plastic water bottles.
10 –> Drink eggnog.
11 –> Drink unpasteurized juice.
12 –> Drink from the toilet.
13 –> Breathe in wood smoke.
14 –> Sniff a permanent marker.
15 –> Do whippets.
16 –> Smoke tobacco.
17 –> Smoke marijuana.
18 –> Smoke anything smokable you can think of.
19 –> Be exposed to secondhand smoke.
20 –> Be exposed to lead.
21 –> Use illegal drugs.
22 –> Take Accutane.
23 –> Take most medications (first trimester).
24 –> Take some antibiotics.
25 –> Take migraine medication.
26 –> Take sleeping pills.
27 –> Take natural remedies.
28 –> Eat too little.
29 –> Eat too much.
30 –> Gain too much weight.
31 –> Gain too little weight.
32 –> Undergo stress.
33 –> Clean with chemicals.
34 –> Spray pesticides.
35 –> Paint.
36 –> Scoop cat litter.
37 –> Handle rodent droppings.
38 –> Get a tattoo.
39 –> Get a piercing.
40 –> Get a pedicure.
41 –> Get your acrylic nails did.
42 –> Get a body wrap.
43 –> Get laser hair removal.
44 –> Get electrolysis.
45 –> Get Botox.
46 –> Color your hair.
47 –> Get a perm.
48 –> Get an x-ray.
49 –> Spend too much time in the sun.
50 –> Soak in a hot tub.
51 –> Take a really hot bath.
52 –> Sit in a steam room.
53 –> Use a tanning bed.
54 –> Douche.
55 –> Sleep on your back.
56 –> Sleep on your stomach.
57 –> Sleep in public.
58 –> Sleep under a bridge.
59 –> Stay up late.
60 –> Do sit-ups.
61 –> Do yard work.
62 –> Fertilize the yard.
63 –> Try a new exercise.
64 –> Ski.
65 –> Bowl.
66 –> Ice skate.
67 –> Ride a bike.
68 –> Hang glide.
69 –> Scuba dive.
70 –> Ride a roller coaster.
71 –> Ride bumper cars.
72 –> Joy ride.
73 –> Go to a loud concert.
74 –> Start your pro wrestling career.
75 –> Lift weights.
76 –> Rob a bank.
77 –> Exercise intensely.
78 –> Have sex intensely.
79 –> Blow air into the vagina during oral sex (Yes, this is REAL).
80 –> Blow air into the vagina for any other reason.
81 –> Wear high heels.
82 –> Wear boots with the fur.
83 –> Fly (third trimester).
84 –> Travel overseas (third trimester).
85 –> Vacation at a high altitude.
86 –> Work overtime.
87 –> Work without breaks.
88 –> Work on your feet.
89 –> Reach for things on high shelves.
90 –> Heavy lifting.
91 –> Move furniture.
92 –> Pick up a toddler.
93 –> Open doors for yourself.
94 –> Stand on a subway/train.
95 –> Sit for hours.
96 –> Get a live vaccine.
97 –> Give blood.
98 –> Donate a kidney.
99 –> Take birth control.
100 –> Get pregnant.
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