How to Forgive : Have you ever found yourself harbouring resentment towards someone you once loved and trusted? Have you been wounded by someone close, struggling to forgive and let go of the situation? Do the words “I will never forgive them as long as I live” sound all too familiar?
What makes forgiveness such a challenging task?
During times of distress, we often look for someone to blame and seek retribution for our suffering. We may become fixated on the idea of holding the other person accountable for their actions, believing that only then will our pain dissipate.
The truth is: when we cling onto grudges or resentment, we are the ones who suffer in vain. Refusing to forgive can leave us trapped in the past, consumed by bitterness and rancor. It can cause us to lose trust and judge others harshly. For instance, if an employee steals from us and we don’t forgive and heal, it may become challenging to trust any future employees, straining our relationships with them.
Moreover, when we don’t address and heal our emotional wounds, we may unconsciously bleed on the ones we love. Have you found yourself being irritable or lashing out at your loved ones often? It’s possible that you are holding onto resentment or grudges.
It’s important to note that holding onto resentment can also have physical effects on our bodies, leading to stress and other health issues.
The person we are refusing to forgive is often oblivious to our emotions and carry on with their life without any worry or without any regard for the impact of their action on us. By forgiving someone, you liberate yourself from the shackles of negative emotions like anger, bitterness, and resentment.
Forgiveness can help you release the pain and hurt inflicted by another’s actions, bringing you inner peace and healing.
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that a flower leaves on the heels of the one that crushed it”- Rumi
Forgiveness does not imply condoning another’s actions or forgetting what transpired. Rather, forgiveness is about acknowledging the harm that was done, letting go of the negative emotions associated with it, and moving forward with freedom and compassion.
Forgiveness can also help to restore fractured relationships. When you forgive someone, you may create an opportunity for open communication and a willingness to work towards reconciliation. Forgiving someone can bring emotional healing, inner peace, and the possibility of restoring damaged relationships.
5 Simple Steps to Forgiving:
- Acknowledge the Harm: Recognize the harm that was done to you and the negative emotions associated with Allow yourself to feel those emotions and don’t try to suppress or ignore them. For instance, if a friend betrayed your trust by revealing a personal secret, acknowledge the hurt and disappointment you felt as a result of their actions. A good way to do this could be by journaling your thoughts.
- Be Aware of the Consequences: Refusing to forgive can have a negative impact on our emotional and physical well-being. Holding onto grudges or resentment can cause us to feel stuck in the past, consumed by bitterness and anger, and can have a knock on effect in other areas of your life. For instance, if you have not forgiven and recovered from a previous situation where a business partner betrayed your trust, may struggle to establish trust with future partners. This mistrust could manifest in your interactions and impede the formation of collaborative and trusting relationships. Consequently, this can lead to low morale and productivity in the company.
- Choose to Forgive (Even if They Don’t Ask for It): The decision to forgive someone is ultimately for your own well being, not for the other person’s. Choose to let go of your resentment towards them, even if they are unaware of it or haven’t asked for Remember that forgiving someone is a personal choice and can bring healing and peace to your own life. Suppose your coworker took credit for your work and received a promotion as a result. Although they may not apologize or even acknowledge their wrongdoing, choosing to forgive can help you release the negative emotions and focus on your own growth and success
- Find a way to Communicate: If possible, try to communicate with the person who hurt you and express how their actions affected you. This can provide a sense of closure and may even open up the possibility for E.g. In a situation where a family member’s harsh words hurt you deeply, consider talking to them about how their words affected you. This open communication can promote understanding and potentially lead to healing.
However, there may be situations where communication is not possible, such as if the person has passed away or if the situation is too severe. In this case, writing a letter to the person can still be helpful. You don’t have to send or give the letter to them, but it can serve as an outlet for expressing your emotions and releasing pent-up feelings. E.g. Writing a letter to someone who has passed away.
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Forgive yourself: Often, we tend to blame ourselves for things that have happened and wish we had done things differently. This self-blame can cripple us from moving forward and make it difficult to forgive That’s why it’s important to also forgive yourself.Initiate your self-forgiveness journey by following the previously mentioned steps for forgiving others. Acknowledge the harm that was done, take responsibility for your own actions, and make a choice to forgive yourself.
Remember that everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay to give yourself grace and move forward with self-compassion.
For example, if you neglected a friendship because of work commitments, leading to the end of the relationship, forgive yourself by recognizing your actions, understanding that you can learn from the experience, and focusing on nurturing your current friendships and future ones.
While it’s listed last, forgiving yourself is a crucial step in the forgiveness process. When you learn to forgive yourself and show self-compassion, it becomes easier to extend that same forgiveness and compassion towards others. By letting go of self-reproach and negative emotions, you create room for healing and expansion in all aspects of your life. So, remember to prioritise self-forgiveness at the forefront of your voyage towards embracing forgiveness.
Author :
Kshama Singhi is a Jay Shetty Certified Happiness & Empowerment Coach with over 12 years of experience in the healthcare industry. Drawing from her personal journey of overcoming relationship challenges and self-development, Kshama specializes in helping female professionals navigate emotional hardships and relationship issues. As a no-nonsense coach, she empowers her clients to overcome their internal distractions and limitations to reach their full potential.
Be You: www.coachkshama.com
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