If you analyze harmonious relationships, you will find that these are the result of inner work, love and deep respect for yourselves and the other. The quality of your lives depends more on what you are inside than outside. But how many of you really look within? You need to think right. Hence it is essential to look within and create an order therein. You need to create harmonious relationship between your inner and outer behaviour. Since your childhood, you are programmed to believe that happiness is outside. You are products of such programming. It has been ingrained in you that joy and happiness are outside and the myth governs the whole of your lives compelling you to gather more and more materialistic possessions.
The harmonious relationship is not a materialistic possession. It is a result of your thinking in right direction. The process of thinking involves flow of thoughts. Thoughts move outward in search of happiness, name, fame, money or power. Happiness, however, does not result from material affluence. It is result of your attitude to life. Happiness is a result of your being totally in the present. Enlightenment happens in the present. But your lives are always focused either on the past or future. Life is the present. So be present in the present. Then a different ‘presence’ opens up. Whatever you are doing, be total in it. Bring in your totality of being in the ‘here and now’.
When you are looking at a flower, can you just look? If you look at it from thoughtfulness, you may treat it as good or bad flower. A thought compares it with something else. By this, you don’t look, you superimpose. The discipline to look at something without comparison or thoughts is important. When you require using your thoughts, only then should you bring in a thought. Try this out.
When unnecessary thoughts pile up, they become pockets of energy. When negative thoughts pile up they seed negative attitude, enforcing negative thoughts. These in turn superimpose energy on the objects of thought, making them appear negative. The influences that are created in life, be they in a form of war, politics, violence, are the result of the influence of negative energy that either becomes real or superimposed.
When your immune system is weak you are prone to disease. Similarly, when your psychological immune system is weak you are prone to negative influences. A negative thought requires no effort. It comes from the lower mind that is mechanical. Noble thoughts have to come from the higher mind that is more conscious and magnetic.
A faulty attitude injures and harms us. You end up making wrong connections. And when you are not proceeding in the right direction, you suffer the consequences. You know that there is male energy in the female and female energy in the male. Since you are progenies of both genders, you have both male and female energies. They have to be in harmony for you to be able to function in a way that gives you the right direction. When you create an external harmony, you create an internal harmony also. By loving a man outside, you love the male energy in you. When you hate a woman outside, a very important part of you, the internal female energy is also dwarfed and injured.
In every one of us there is both a teacher and a student. Our centre is a teacher teaching us in the language of silence, in the language of purity. The student in us should learn to listen to the teaching. When you do injustice to an external teacher, you are doing injustice to a part of yourselves. By respecting both a student and a teacher outside, you respect something in you.
Harmonious relationships are opportunities for evolution into love and freedom from the ego and to merge your will with the other thus creating a greater reality. They are a means towards our life purpose. Our self-worth and security are within us and do not depend on being in a relationship. It is natural that you support, inspire and affirm each other. You can be yourselves when you are free from fear. Mutual love and respect are the basis of all conscious love relationships.
For harmonious relationship, you must confirm to yourself that you all deserve lasting love and respect. You are safe and secure even when you are alone. You need not prove that you are right – love (rather than being “right”) attracts love. You allow each other the freedom to be yourselves. You are worthy of love and respect exactly as you are. The more you know each other, the more you want to be together. You love each other even when you cannot fulfill each other’s needs. You each create your own reality. You are equal and your close relationships are beautiful. You must understand that you are never hurt by the other, but only by your own fears, attachments, needs and expectations. You sacrifice your needs out of love for each other – not out of fear or duty.
How can you develop harmonious relationship? It is simple. You may take the following steps:
1. You may take full responsibility for your reality. You are the sole creators of your thoughts and feelings. No one can create your happiness, security or self-worth.
2. You may free the other from any responsibility for your reality. You need to consciously forgive the other and free all others for any responsibility for the reality, which you have created.
3. You may perceive the other as your teacher and learn through both his and her positive and negative attributes. You learn to emulate the positive and understand, accept and deal with the negative.
4. You may understand what lessons you need to learn through the other’s behaviors, which annoy you.
5. You may learn to communicate more effectively with other with messages where you express our needs clearly and assertively without accusing, criticizing, complaining or threatening.
6. You may understand and accept the other’s:
a. Needs (such as: affection, love, approval, freedom, respect, unity)
b. Beliefs (such as: I am in danger, I am not worthy, My freedom is in danger)
7. You may not speak to third persons about your loved one, but only directly to him or her. (Except of course to a counselor)
8. You may participate in groups for the purpose of self-knowledge and creating interpersonal harmony.
9. You may see a professional counselor alone or together.
10. You may participate in each other’s activities.
11. You may express love and admiration such as:
a. Gratitude for help and service.
b. Acknowledgment of what the other does.
c. Recognition of the other’s abilities, qualities and virtues.
d. Love and appreciation.
12. You may meet regularly for communication on all levels. This is best done on a weekly basis.
13. Daily, you may visualize the other in light and send love. Bring to mind five of the other’s positive qualities or abilities. Visualize a harmonious loving relationship. You cannot create what you cannot first imagine.
Be Happy –
Harmony is Essential for a Happy Life