Lead Happy Married Life

We are accustomed to the well-known theory known as the “Big Bang,” an occurrence which is regarded as the origin of creation of the universe. The meaning attributed to this phenomenon is that the universe was originally a single Cosmic Atom, which split into two parts by a bang, an instantaneous separation of itself into two parts, representing what may be called the Cosmic Subject and the Cosmic Object. The intriguing secret behind the relationship of the two Cosmic parts seems to be that there is on the one hand the duality of the positive and the negative and on the other hand the correlativity of the positive and the negative, since the two phases are actually the two types of the phenomenal occurrence in the otherwise unitary indivisible original existence. Actually, each unit of life is like a split “pea,” in which one cannot easily say whether the pea is one or two things joined together. Also, the very idea of a bi-polar existence implies the interference of space and time, and even if it is accepted that the apparent two-fold life is an appearance of the original one life, the idea of “another” cannot arise unless there is some medium through which it looks as if it is there, just as one person can look like two persons when one beholds oneself through the medium of a mirror. Such a possibility involves the existence of space and time which are the most elusive things everywhere in creation. No one can understand what these actually mean since these are involved in the process of thinking itself, and no one can also deny that they do exist.


Similarly, the two Cosmic parts are comparable to husband and wife, in which context, the one part rushes towards the other part to come in contact with it while the other part wishes to avoid the contact since such a contact is not possible as the so-called “other” really cannot stand apart from that which seeks the contact. Humorously, through an analogy, we may assume that the wife aspect runs away to escape the husband aspect coming in contact with it since an attempt at such a contact looked meaningless and also abortive. The bi-polar wholeness reduces itself to lesser and lesser “wholes,” from gods in heaven down through humans, animals, plants and trees and even the lowest of creatures like insects, thus making out that this dual pull is present everywhere in creation from the highest to the lowest of created elements.


At the human level this principle of bi-polar existence takes an interesting turn, since in the human being there is an element of the instincts of the lower species and at the same time a reason which reflects the characteristics of transcendental existence. While in the earlier stages of evolution mentioned, the process of bi-polar existence appears more or less as a spontaneous feature, at the human level it becomes slightly complicated due to the reason and the instinct clashing with each other almost every day of one’s life, causing a lot of misery. As the human being is a unit in human society, the laws framed by society condition the activities of a person, while the instinctive impulses come from the other levels of life insist that they should have an upper hand over all things, and when the instincts are strong enough they can rebel against social norms, much to the chagrin of the individual, as is well-known in human history. In order to obviate this problem of conflict between individual and society, people in a common agreement among themselves have instituted a system called marriage.


Now, what exactly is marriage? It is quite clear that it is a form of legalization of the inherent instinct of the bi-polar existence asserting itself and then a check upon any uncontrolled ravaging activity of the instinct. The point is that a person cannot live totally isolated from society since existence itself would be difficult without cooperation from others. Inasmuch as this instinct is present in every person and everyone would like to manifest it as much as possible, there would be difficulty in such a behavior since everyone else also would like to do the same thing. This goes to say that the institution of marriage is a process of granting limited freedom to the operation of the instinct permitting it to operate within the circle of social norms, with due respect for the welfare of everyone equally.


However, with all this that has been said above, a question will arise as to why is there such an attraction between the male and the female. Philosophically, to answer this question in the light of what has been detailed above, the explanation would be the struggle of the two parts of the one whole to unite themselves into a single unit of existence. But as two things cannot become one, the sexual demand fails to fulfill its purpose ending in exasperation, disillusionment and a distrust in the meaning of life itself. The other aspect is the much neglected side of the phenomenon, namely, Nature’s intention to multiply the species. Everyone knows the power of Nature and no one can resist it. The would-be entrant’s push towards this world, which we call the coming of a child into existence, is the process of an integral impulse since the child is a whole being, as whole as either the father or the mother. The pressure of the would-be individual, being very strong, compels the male and the female to seek each other with great vehemence, to such an extent that the male and the female elements would even wish to die if this impulse is not going to be gratified, forgetting thereby that they are only serving the injunctions of Nature, though Nature has cleverly put them under an illusion that what they do is for their own personal benefit. Since everything is destroyed by Time, there is a fear that one’s existence would be terminated one day, and to escape from the grief of this possibility, the biological impulse wishes to reproduce itself as a child, a son or a daughter, which become a replica of the parents, whom they hug as themselves, as if the child is inseparable from the parents.


Considering the fact that no one can go against the injunctions of Nature, sexual life permitted by marriage should be regarded as reasonable and unavoidable, but considering the welfare of the individual himself or herself, it brings no such benefit, ending in depletion of energy, slowly tending towards old age and physical extinction. It looks that the whole drama of creation is a “hide and seek” affair of the truths of existence where everyone does something helplessly under the impression that it is done voluntarily for one’s own assumed immortal satisfaction, while the fact is that the entire exercise is a hypnotized person’s supposed voluntary enterprise, though commanded by the hypnotist’s will.

Enjoyments and Birth Control

A married life is for the enjoyments of the pleasures God has bestowed upon the human beings under the strict regulations made by the society in recognition of the rights of the individuals in a civilized manner. It is therefore imperative that we must enjoy them to the extent permitted and our guardians should permit them to do so without the coercion of their traditions which have been developed to facilitate the satisfaction of individual ego. However, a strict control of sexual behavior and a rigid practice of non-violence are necessary if you want to have progress on the spiritual path while leading your married life happily.

For a happy married life, we may schedule our life into different spans in some spells say, of ten years and plan your family structure accordingly. If you wish that your family must have so many members, you must have a gap of about 3 years into each delivery and for that, you can have free enjoyments during those intervening days. If you use contraceptives otherwise, it may ensure more frequent contacts but can deplete your energy without serving the purpose of the Nature. With the contraceptives you will never learn to exercise self-restraint. The contraceptives can be used when you do not wish to have issues at all on account of your occupational and/or other own circumstances. For the purpose of contraceptives too, you need to have specific schedule of copulation. Practically, it may seem to be difficult as the most of the time, we work on instincts but as a responsible person, we may have to have self restraint. We may have to learn the virtue of self-restraint. The use of these artificial methods will eventually sap our energy. It will break down all restraint.

There is an intimate connection between sex and control of the palate. He who has controlled the palate has already controlled all the other organs. Absence of non-vegetarian food will make the practice of celibacy easy. Continence is not harmful. On the other hand it conserves nervous energy. It gives great mental strength and peace of mind. Over sexual indulgence leads to moral and spiritual bankruptcy, premature death, nervous weakness and loss of one’s faculties, talents and capacities.

The first-born child is born of our natural duty and the rest are the results of our lust. The sexual act for mere pleasure is not justifiable. Passion for the flesh or body is not pure or real love. It is only infatuation born of ignorance. Some time we do wicked deeds and kill our soul by killing our morals on account of this passion.

Population Should Be Checked

How is the world to feed all the millions? In spite of advanced agricultural methods and reclamation of waste land, it has been found impossible to balance food production with the increase of population. Hence, the growth of population has to be restrained if there is to be no lowering of the standard of living. If this is not done there will be mass starvation, famine and consequent degradation of morality. Special agencies of the United Nations are busy in finding out a long term solution. The United Nations Population Commission is now at work, assisted by the Economic Council for Asia and the Far East.

No doubt in principle it is right that population has to be restricted. But how? Naturally, through the advanced means of planned parenthood. What do we mean by this? Our educated class thinks of planned parenthood mainly in terms of city-dwellers and educated men and women. There are also many amongst the poorer classes whom our social workers can reach in the cities, where their organizations are working. But they also invariably think of birth control by the artificial methods of contraceptives. They are good but we must learn self restraints more profoundly by diverting our attention to other entertainment means.

The Vedic preceptors strictly enjoined on their students the practice of unbroken celibacy; and when they had completed their studies and were advised to get married, it was not for the sake of physical pleasure but for the sake of progeny. Self-restraint gave them moral strength and spiritual vision. Through self-restraint they achieved ethical perfection and improved their intellect. There is no safer and better solution for the restriction of our population than practice of self-restraint. No number of birth control clinics and no amount of propaganda advocating artificial methods can take root in these masses, whose traditional background has been always soaked in spirituality. No method other than self-restraint can be morally and spiritually successful.

The use of contraceptives for family planning, as artificial methods gave free latitude to the married and even encouraged the unmarried to embrace the path of self-indulgence with vulgar impunity.

If the rural population practiced moral restraint they could limit the size of their families better than through the use of contraceptives. It is wrong to say that the restraint of the natural impulse in men and women would lead to serious consequences and there can be mass neurosis. Their zest for living and their mental faculties would ebb away, their lives would become drab and dull.

All these charges were baseless and were but a confession of lasciviousness on the part of the crusaders against self-restraint. This has been adequately proved by distinguished scientists and doctors and by numerous scriptures belonging to all faiths.

Sir Lionel Beale, Professor of the Royal College in London, says: “Sexual abstinence has never yet hurt any man. Virginity is not too difficult to observe, provided that it is the physical expression of a certain state of mind”.Professor Cesterbu concurs with Beale by saying, “The sexual instinct is not so blindly all-powerful that it cannot be controlled and even subjugated entirely by moral strength. We must know that robust health and ever-renewed vigour will be the reward of this voluntary service”.Sir Andrew Clark also agrees that “Continence does not harm; it does not hinder development; it increases perception and energy”. That the practice of continence is a fitting remedy for birth control has been emphasized by the noted American, Joseph H.J. Spenglar. He says, “Moral restraint offers a salutary solution to the problem of over-population”. Gandhiji answered his critics by the example of his personal life. In his autobiography he writes: “I took the vow of celibacy in 1906. I launched forth with faith in the sustaining power of God. The more or less practice of self-control has been going on since”. Gandhiji was a man of experience and whatever he spoke was from his personal experience only. His was not an arm-chair philosophy. He emphasized that continence was the prime qualification for success in all achievements and in every walk of life.

“I hold that a life of perfect continence in thought, speech and action is necessary for reaching spiritual perfection. Celibacy means perfect control of all the sense-organs. For a true celibate, nothing is impossible.” Celibacy is essential for their physical, moral and spiritual growth. They should have a well-restrained and sacred marital relationship. Bernard Shaw, a highly intellectual and profound spiritual personality, but an atheist and a non-believer in organized religions as accepted by the masses, voiced the universally accepted truth that “unless we restrain desire we destroy ourselves.”

By proper regulation of our lives, our emotions and our needs, we can enjoy our married life. Be Happy – Lead Happy Married Life.