Dating can be complicated, demoralizing and outright hard. However, I think it doesn’t have to be so hard. When are feelings and vulnerability are at stake we tend to make a mess of things. A tiny poke can feel like a laceration to the gut if it’s coming from the right person. A throwaway comment in passing can having a crippling affect on your bae, rending you oblivious or confused. Dating is difficult enough as it is, so it’s necessary to cut the extra fat and the empty calories. Avoiding all the bullshit, drama, deception and trivial garbage from the start will bring you closer to you want and save your ego (and heart) from serious bruising.
Sure, it’s easier said than done. It takes practice. It takes a grown ass woman (a bad bitch with confidence and experience) to explicitly state what she wants without having to kick and scream about it. It takes maturity to hold your ground without falsely threatening to dump somebody, name-calling or pettiness. Yet, it’s possible to bend without breaking.
- Don’t play mind games. (You’re going to make a mess of things and nobody is going to get what they want.)
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Stop viewing relationships as a power struggle. (Two people fighting for control of the situation/each other is not love, intimacy or affection.)
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Be honest but be considerate. (It’s good to make your desires clear. It’s unnecessary to be cruel in the process.)
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Alex says, “Don’t date someone for their dog or their washing machine or their dryer.”
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Stop getting your dating advice from Cosmo.
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Don’t freak out about the little things. (It may take a while for them to text back sometimes. Get over it.)
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Alex says, “Don’t be someone’s beard. That’s child’s play.”
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If you don’t have the same sense of humor say, “bye, Felicia.” (Do you want to spend your lifetime awkwardly fake-laughing at dick jokes?)
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Don’t Facebook them, LinkedIn them. (Are you more interested in knowing that they “liked” Pizza Hut or what their ambitions are?)
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Don’t get mad about text messages. (Ask for clarity, first.)
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Don’t have fights over texts. (“You’ll just end up adding ‘lol’ at the end everything,” Alex says.)
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Don’t date someone you don’t like just because they like you. (It’s nice to be worshiped and admired but it’s much better when both people reciprocate those feelings.)
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It’s OK to take time to know someone before you officially dismiss them.
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Manage your expectations. (If he says he doesn’t want a relationship, don’t hold out expecting he will change his mind.)
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Date someone who reads books. (Or rather don’t date people who vehemently declare, “I don’t read, ugh.”)
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Alex says, “Don’t date someone because you think there brother is hot. Men are not stepping stones.”
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Don’t date someone you’re embarrassed to introduce to your friends.
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Alex says, “Don’t date your cousin. Even if it’s a distant one. No T, no shade.”
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Don’t think you can change somebody.
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Don’t get mad if they don’t like the same stupid stuff as you but get mad if they do insist on making fun of you for liking that stuff.
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Don’t be a hater yourself.
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Alex says, “Don’t date minors.”
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Drama for the sake of drama is not OK.
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Don’t talk shit about your bae to your friends then introduce him to them and wonder why they are giving him side-eye.
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Don’t put up with constant put downs.
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Know the difference between their insecurities and your actual flaws.
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Know the difference between your insecurities and their actual flaws.
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Be flexible.
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Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed because you want or need something.
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Communicate clear boundaries with your bae.
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Accept that sometimes you won’t get what you want.
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Accept that sometimes the next step is breaking up.
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Know that you’ll survive a broken heart.
Tips For Dating Like A Grown Woman