Have you ever thought how you came in this beautiful world? If you believe in materialism, you may think that you are the result of bilateral relation consummated between your parents. It is very natural that at some stage of age, everyone of us feels some urge to meet our physical need, as it is destined by God while structuring our bodies and our endeavor in that direction brings about birth of the children unless we plan otherwise.
When you set foot in the world, your parents held you for the first time in their arms at the hospital, your tiny hands were twitching and your eyes were shut tight. Your clenched fist reminded them of a science lesson that said to get an idea abut the size of your heart, you should clench you fist. They could imagine the little heart throbbing inside you, the eternal miracle of birth. When that was their turn to witness it, they might have cried. That was not materialism – that was an emotional attachment.
Before your father married your mother, both of them might have used to debate one question endlessly with their respective friends, “Is it really worth bringing another life into this world?” Especially when terror has become an ugly scene in the canvas of our lives? After your birth, your parents might have two options to raise you. One was to wean you on cynicism. Where you would erect a sky-high wall in your mind and lived your life pouring scorn on everything you might see, one way of insulating yourself from fear… A kind of indifferent machismo. The other way was to prepare you to live in this world. They might have assured themselves certainly to show you the way to live in an uncertain world, make a pact with yourself and understand the following early on.
After birth in a family of the human beings, you needed physical security – the safety of body and life and the parents who were responsible to bring you into being provide physical safety: shelter, clothes, nourishment. They protected you from dangers. They cared for your health physical development and provided appropriate conditions for your healthy growth. They provided you with the means to develop physically. They arranged to train your body to undertake some exercises to enable you to stand on your own feet. In materialism, it was not required.
But they helped you to develop habits of health Intellectual security – the conditions in which your mind could develop. They had provided an atmosphere of peace and justice and respect to your dignity. They gave you an environment without fear, threat, and abuse. They ensured intellectual development by providing opportunities to learn. How you learnt reading, writing, calculating etc., they had extended the support and/or provide school related learning. When you were growing up, they taught you social skills and etiquette.
They felt themselves responsible for your moral and spiritual development and accordingly, tried to create an ethics and value systems with social norms that contributed to your beliefs, culture; and customs. They provided you emotional security – to help protect your psyche and provide a safe loving environment. Your parents were always there to give you a sense of being loved, being needed, welcomed. They always provided you emotional support, encouragement by expressing their attachment, caressing, hugging, touching etc. They developed your ability to love, care, help, etc. and show empathy, helping and compassion to younger and older, weaker and sicker and caring for others,, etc.
When you were in the womb of your mother, you might have been affected by many decisions your parents might have made, particularly choices linked to their lifestyle. The health and diet decisions of the mother might have either a positive or negative impact on you during prenatal parenting.
Many people believe that parenting begins with birth, but the mother had begun your raising and nurturing well before birth. Scientific evidence indicates that from the fifth month on, the unborn baby is able to hear sound, be aware of motion, and possibly exhibit short-term memory. Several studies show evidence that the unborn baby can become familiar with his or her parents’ voices. Other research indicates that by the seventh month, external schedule cues influence the unborn baby’s sleep habits. Based on this evidence, parenting actually begins well before birth. Depending on how many children the mother carries also determines the amount of care needed during prenatal and post-natal periods. It means that your care by your parents was started when you did not take even birth.
When you were newborn, the ground responsibilities of parenthood had begun. A newborn’s basic needs are food, sleep, comfort and cleaning which your parent provided. An infant’s only form of communication is crying, and your attentive parents used to recognize different types of your crying representing different needs such as hunger, discomfort, boredom, or loneliness. Newborns and young infants require feedings every few hours which is disruptive to adult sleep cycles. You too did all these disruptions to them.
The forming of attachments is considered to be the foundation of the infant/child’s capacity to form and conduct relationships throughout life. Attachment is not the same as love and/or affection although they often go together. Attachment and attachment behaviors tend to develop between the age of 6 months and 3 years. A lack of attachment or a seriously disrupted capacity for attachment could potentially amount to serious disorders. Have you ever thought about their contribution when you were between the age of 6 months and 3 years.
Until infants learn to walk, between 10 and 14 months, they are carried in the arms, held in slings or baby carriers, or transported in baby carriages or strollers. Upon learning to walk the child is then known as a toddler. You might have forgotten how you were carried in the arms safely here and there to enable you to have fresh air and some exercise to your body to strengthen further. Have a look on your photographs taken at that time or go through the memories of your elders who might have seen your parents carrying you.
Toddlers are much more active than infants and are challenged with learning how to do simple tasks by themselves. At that stage, your parents were heavily involved in showing you how to do things rather than just doing things for them. You needed help to build your vocabulary, increase your communications skills, and manage your emotions. Being toddlers you had also begun to understand social etiquette such as being polite and taking turns. At that time, your parents were there to help you learn all these things.
When you were very curious about the world around them and eager to explore it, you sought greater independence and responsibility and might have become frustrated when things did not go the way you wanted or expected. Your parents were there to help guide and teach you, establish basic routines (such as washing hands before meals, brushing teeth before bed), and increase your responsibilities.
When you grew up, you became more independent and began to build friendships. You were able to reason and could make your own decisions given hypothetical situations. But you needed constant attention, to learn how to deal with boredom and be able to play independently. Your parents were there to supervise you directly and indirectly.
When you started to enjoy helping and feeling useful and able, your parents assisted you by encouraging social interactions and modeling proper social behaviors. A large part of learning in the early years
comes from being involved in activities and household duties. Your parents observed you in play or joined with you to communicate more effectively with you and to offer gentle, nurturing guidance. They had been teaching you health, hygiene, and eating habits through instruction and by example.
Initially, your parents were there to make decisions about your education and provide you the environment to enable you to take decision about further education and your professional life when you got mature.
In course of time, you attained adolescence, you started to begin to form your identity and test and develop the interpersonal and occupational roles. Although adolescents look to peers and adults outside of the family for guidance and models for how to behave, parents had remained influential in your development. Sometime they often felt isolated and alone when you overacted but they made efforts to be aware of your adolescents activities, provided guidance, direction, and consultation. Adolescence can be a time of high risk for children, where newfound freedoms can result in decisions that drastically open up or close off life opportunities. Your parents had been there behind the screen to watch you closely and guide you whenever they found you on the wrong track.
After some time, a child becomes young adult. As children become young adults their personalities show the result of successful or unsuccessful parenting. Especially it is noticeable when young adults make their independent life decisions about their education, work and choosing mates for friendship or marriage. Sometime, parents take the results to their hearts but it is still you to take appropriate action to reply back to pay off the debts upon you due to your upbringing to the present stage when you are able to take some decision.
You must not forget that if your parents are still alive, their parenting will not stop even if you grow older or get married, have your own children. They would always remain to be parents for you. Their relationship will continue developing from their end, whether you care for or not.
Life is precious. And equally fragile. So every day is a gift. Get up early once in a while just to watch the sun rise. Stare at it intently and burn it in your memory. Be aware of every passing second. Look around you. There’s a thin stalk of plant finding its place under the sun in a crevice on the wall of your apartment.
You must appreciate mother’s cooking. Praise it to heavens… Make it a habit to eat to heavens… Make it a habit to ear together as a family. No, make it a rule. Fall in love with books. Words will transport you to worlds far away. It will also keep you informed and prepared. You must follow your heart. The mind can waver but the heart. The mind can waver but the heart seldom does. Respect your conscience.
Your parents have farsightedness and know your nature since you came into this world. They know the intricacies and your capabilities to handle your crises and therefore are always there to lend their hands to solve out. If you underestimate them, you may perhaps be wrong in due course of time. You can take your course of action but after convincing them heartedly.
Your parents would always ask you to get a job you love as you enter the world of careers and cocktails, you’ll get sucked into a vortex called rat race. Don’t be overwhelmed. They may suggest you always that we’re all human. But have the courage to step out of it. Nothing will be lost. Some illusions may shatter.
They may emphasise upon money a little bit because that is important. But it has its place. They would advise you not to make the mistake of putting it right on top. You must find your love and hold it dearly. Be a good husband. A patient father. Give your children space to make their mistakes. But hold them when they fall as they did in their lives. They may ask you to speak up when you have to.
They can suggest you to go and vote. It’s your chance to give shape to the kind of society you want to live in since we’re living in a democracy whether we like it or not, Sure it has its pitfalls. But don’t forget the positives too. The real fight in a democracy is between remembering and forgetting. They would advise you to be alert. But try not to live in a state of fear.
You need to live every day of your life as your parents are doing, so that there remain memories left for your children to remember you afterwards. You must remember that you too will get how you pay off your debts to your parents – you can not pay back for the services you got from them. But it is certain that if you tender yourself affectionately and respectfully to them, your children may also copy you while you grow old and they serve you accordingly.
Be Happy – You may Expect same treatment from your children as You treat Your Parents