Starting in Fitness: Overcoming Shame

Starting in Fitness: Overcoming Shame : Starting a fitness routine takes motivation. Starting a fitness routine when you have never done it before, when you feel like you are drowning in your responsibilities, when you have gained weight and no longer recognize yourself – that feels crushingly overwhelming.

This article is different. This article takes you into all those uncomfortable corners of how you are feeling as you embark on your fitness journey. It will look at some of the negative emotions that may have motivated you to get active.

As a mom of three young kids, I have gained and lost and gained again the same 40+ pounds over and over the past 10 years. Finding accessible fitness options is essential to our family’s wellbeing: emotionally and physically.

When you are starting out, it feels overwhelming. You might find yourself staring at numbers on a scale, frustrated and shocked at the numbers screaming back at you. It’s slow and tedious. Planning, preparing, and tracking every bite of food you take can begin to feel like a full-time job. Fitting in a work-out on top of that takes dedication.

But you persevere and start working out. I remember standing there in front of a full-length mirror during one of my first home work-outs. Locking eyes with myself, seeing the disheveled, sweating mass in front of me, I have never felt more embarrassed or ashamed. I was there, I showed up, I had a plan, and was proud of the journey I was on. But I felt like I was drowning. In that moment, all I felt was shame. Shame that I had allowed myself to get to that point.

Brené Brown defines shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection”. Yup. Exactly.

I knew I had to work through these feelings if I was going to be able to show up the way I wanted to for myself and my family. Guilt is about behavior, shame about the person. Guilt is external actions, shame is internal identification. I DID something bad, versus I AM bad; I made a mistake, versus I AM a mistake. Shame is not productive, motivating, or helpful. Shame is extremely harmful and dangerous, and causes people to withdraw, disconnect, and spiral downward.

I challenge you to confront those feelings in yourself. I thought hard about my feelings of shame as I looked at the woman in the mirror. Is that me? Am I a failure? Is the person I have become physically so unrecognizable and awful that even I won’t connect with her? This had to change.

The truth is, I didn’t think I was a failure. I don’t think I am a mistake. It was my actions, not my being, that had gotten me to that point. I grew 3 beautiful babies and was distracted creating a whole life for us while creating this new body. I had to reframe my self-talk to move from unproductive feelings of shame and helplessness to productive, vulnerable, change-provoking guilt.

I am guilty of over-eating and sometimes making poor food choices. I am guilty of not being active. I am guilty of not loving myself through it all. I am guilty of questioning and doubting the connections I have with others based on my physical appearance. I am guilty of withdrawing from many social situations because I put my worth in my physical appearance. I am guilty, but I am not ashamed. I can grow from this. I am not ashamed. I can love my body and all that it has given me, while also wanting to change it.

Related to the gym, only when you accept and recognize where you are, will you later see and appreciate how far you have come. So, today I open my eyes and look at the woman in the mirror with a little more grace, a little less judgment, and a little more pride.

“Shame is an epidemic in our culture, and to get out from underneath it, to find our way back to each other, we have to understand how it affects us, and how it affects the way we are parenting, the way we’re working, the way we are looking at each other” (Brown 2012). Shame needs secrecy, silence, and judgment to survive and grow exponentially; empathy is the antidote to shame.

The two most powerful words when faced with a struggle are “me, too”. I hope as you read this, you are hearing me screaming, “ME, TOO!” at you. You’ve GOT THIS.

No more silence, secrecy, or judgment. No more shame. Today is your first step!

Author:

Amanda Haas is a wife, mom, nurse, and educator. She navigates the ebbs and flows of health, fitness, and body image that come with three pregnancies, a successful professional career, and busy life. She writes with a mixture of grace, humour and the occasional expletive. She is the co-founder of www.homefitheadquarters.com and contributes health and nutrition articles.