6 Reasons Women Shouldn’t Have Strict Standards for Dating : Have you swiped left on everyone again?
Home alone on Friday night because you didn’t answer the call from last week’s date? Or maybe you’re on the other side — no matches and no calls back.
You’re not the only one.
Women have notoriously strict standards for the men they date. In fact, most females in the animal kingdom tend to be this way.
The thing is, it may not be in a woman’s best interest to be so picky when dating.
Now, I’m not saying women should just go off and let anyone be their boyfriend or husband. But when you’re just getting to know people, it is very easy to get the wrong impression.
There are several important reasons for women to loosen up their expectations when dating, and I’ll walk you through each one.
It’s easy to get the wrong impression
When you’re first getting to know a person, your brain tries very hard to pin them into categories.
This is because it’s easier for your brain to take what it already knows about people than to actually try to understand them.
This makes it really easy to wrongfully form a set of beliefs about the way a person is based on only a few interactions. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this.
Sometimes I encounter a person years after a date with them and realize I had the wrong idea about them completely.
You can’t trust every snap judgment your brain makes. One of the biggest dating myths is that when you meet the right person, you will know right away.
They might be nervous
For a lot of people, dating is nerve-wracking.
When people are nervous, they might act a little weird. They might be over-eager to prove them-self or to fill silences that could have been an intimate moment or to show they are interested.
Men do obnoxious things all the time to make themselves feel a little bit less anxious. It’s important for women to understand these things will go away after they become more comfortable over time.
There are some guys who I had amazing relationships with that I almost kicked to the curb on day one just because they annoyed me.
Practice patience and compassion and remember that if a guy is getting on your nerves, it might just mean you’re smoking hot.
You might not be comfortable yet
A lot of women are more reserved than usual when they’re dating. It’s a natural way you protect yourself when engaging with someone you don’t know very well.
Chances are, you won’t act quite like yourself until you get a good feel for the person you’re dating. But in the meantime, you might be giving off all kinds of confusing signals.
For example, maybe you’re pretty quiet because you’re not sure how much you want to say about yourself. He might get quiet too because he doesn’t want to pressure you to say something.
Then you both might think you have no connection.
Meanwhile, you could be finding out that you are both CRAZY about nature documentaries and deep-dish pizza.
Give yourself some time to get into your natural state before you write off a guy. This can take weeks!
You might not have figured out what you love about them
Every single person to ever walk the earth has flaws.
The reason we fall and stay in love with anyone is because of their good qualities overwhelm the bad.
Sometimes, in the beginning, you see all good and no bad, and you’re in for a reality check down the road. But sometimes it’s the reverse.
You only notice what you don’t like. You see what boxes aren’t checked. And you don’t bother to find out what is actually amazing about this person.
You might have a whole list of reasons you can’t date this person. You don’t like his beard, or he’s too short. Maybe he’s a little too talkative.
My friend swore she would never date a blonde or a short man. Guess who she’s married to and wildly in love with today?
A short blonde man. And they have the best relationship I know of.
Now, if you have a problem with a guy because he seems to have a drinking problem, or he’s texting other women during your date, um, yeah boot him.
Learn to differentiate the serious problems with the things that are not your first preference.
Good sex can take a while
If you’re ghosting someone because the sex wasn’t everything you were dreaming of, you might want to reconsider.
It’s a misconception that your first time having sex with a guy needs to be amazing. It’s not impossible to have good sex right off the bat, but it is rather uncommon.
This is because when two people are just becoming intimate, a woman’s brain is very busy making sure that this is a safe situation and a trustworthy person. Because of this, it is easy for a woman to feel distracted and unable to relax.
Once a woman has had many opportunities to be intimate with a man and discover his trustworthiness, she can relax and let go much more.
Of course, it is different for everyone, but this is simply nature.
There are guys who I thought I had horrible sexual chemistry with, until one month later, when I couldn’t get enough.
It’s just a date
Look, even if you’re dating with hopes for a long-term relationship, the reality is you’re just dating, and you’re going to meet lots of different people.
Not every date will lead to a wedding.
Focus on what is valuable and fun about dating. You can have a really fun night with someone you don’t end up in a relationship with.
You can learn a lot about some fascinating subjects that your date is an expert in. You might even end up with a new business client or creative collaborator.
There are so many varieties of connections you can make, and they are all valuable in their own right.
You might go on a date with someone who you’re not romantically interested in, and then find out that they are the exact person you are looking for to help with an important project.
Try dating people who don’t meet your ideal description. You might end up really surprised. And hey, maybe one of those guys does end up at your wedding, whether as your husband or your DJ.
Remember that the point of dating is to get to know a person.
Keep your mind open, and you will allow many experiences to unfold. Even if it goes badly, you can turn that experience around and use it as a great story for your friends. Good luck out there, and have fun.
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6 Reasons Women Shouldn’t Have Strict Standards for Dating
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